Pickles and Beastly, Toronto, May 2024
Identity: Queer / Non-binary
'I had always wanted to rescue a dog. During my twenties I was living a very transient life and knew I could never offer the stability that a dog needed. I moved to Toronto in my early thirties and that’s when Beastly came into my life. It’s also the first time I felt a sense of belonging.
The feelings of restlessness left me and the panic attacks began to subside. Making the commitment to give Beastly everything he needed to thrive turned out to be exactly what I needed too. With Beastly by my side my social anxiety became less intense. I realised that when Beastly got anxious, I had no problem removing him from that situation, or if he needed to be in that situation I would acclimatise him to it slowly and never let it overwhelm him. And just like that Beastly gifted me more grace for myself and my anxiety – I now feel no shame in walking away from a situation that causes panic. I wouldn’t force Beastly to drink or take drugs just to feel comfortable, and so neither do I.Coming home to Beastly is like coming home to family. We’re social creatures and like everyone, I needed a home and family too.
Being queer/non-binaryis a fundamental part of who I am. It has, and at times continues to have, a significant impact on my mental health. It took me a long time to understand why I didn't feel capable of love, why I could never be comfortable with my appearance, or why I sabotaged so many good things in my life. I spenta lot of my life thinking I had to put on an act and I could never let people know who I really was. Not being myself, not letting people in, not fully accepting who I am almost cost me my life. Thanks to Beastly, I’ve not only found myself, but also my community, my art and home.’